February 23rd, 2007

Naked Anniversery

Posted by Lifecruiser in Love, Pleasure
Adoration 1945. Oil on canvas. Gil Elvgren.

We have a third engagement anniversery coming up on Saturday. There will be nudity involved for sure. As usual I might add… *s*

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband:

- “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied:

- “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked:

- “What are you thinking now?”

He replied:

- “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

Though I do hope that Mr Lifecruisers comments won’t be quite the same ;-)

NOTE: Remember, our 3 year is as others 7,7 years, according to our earlier post about Making Love Figures….

Cruise list: Aka R'acquel, Irish Church Lady, Claudie, Waspgoddess, RennyBA, Mar, Gattina, TorAa, and Maribeth.
February 19th, 2007

The Poo’s arrival - a shitty Monday

Posted by Lifecruiser in Life, Pleasure

I’m so excited - the Poo has finally arrived! Yeaaah! I have been waiting so unpatiently…

It’s raging wonderful aka R’acquel that has sent me this amazing gift.

I’ll send her a surprise in return - and no, it will not be anything Poosh, but yet enjoyable.

(I must make her curious, it’s more fun this way… *s*)

I must admit though, that I never thought that I should be soooo excited over a bag with Poo… *LMAO*

The Book of Poo Poostage paid was $1.85 - really fantastic if you think about that this envelope has travelled across the whole world - Australia in the south Poole and Sweden in the north Poole so it’s really on the opPoosite side of the world from each other - and fast too!

Even more fantastic is it that this book of Poo were dumped in our mailbox today of all days - the day when our plumber woke us up at 07.20 in the morning (after a bad night) to tell us that he is coming to fix our toilet that has been on a strike a while - we’ve not made any Poo pile though…

…and I’m not sorry for the vision that gave you!!! *giggles*

But I promise you: that is nothing to what you get from the Book of Poo! I’ll curl up like a pile of Poo and read about all that Poo stuff now - and be prepared of laughing cramps!

Or I may go to the loo to poo first to test the plumbers work, so there will be no accident when laughing too hard…. I’ve always been very foresighted. *lol*

This book actually couldn’t have ended up in more competent hands… Remember: this is the home were your poo’s speed, consistency, color, size and smell always is described in details.

We even have Poo records. No one want to judge though ;-)

I maybe be potty and have a shitty humor on this shitty blog, but I just LOVE this - it’s one of lifes most essentials. In several meanings….

So we’re having an extra shitty Monday over here ;-)

Please feel free to tell us about your shit too!

Cruise list: Happy and blue 2, Aka R'acquel, Kylee, Irish Church Lady, Maribeth, Melli, and Claudie.
February 16th, 2007

Friday’s Feast Beast

Posted by Lifecruiser in Pleasure

What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?

The official answer: Kiss smackings following by giggles.
The secret one: Loud, long farting sounds following by giggles.

Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).

- Sunny honey and maybe a storm occasionally when we need to shock someone, but only when it’s really needed. But then it will be a fully scaled storm, not a little sissy one… Heard of Volcanos spitting Lava….? *s*

Though I seem to have a bad weather curse on me…

What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?

Me. Love. Mr Lifecruiser. Most in the whole Universe. *lol*

Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books / magazines / newspapers would you choose to read?

Anyone and everyone. I’d be thrilled to remember anything!!!! With this Altzheimers light we claim to have, anything would be a huge improvement ;-)

If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?

Since I love salty things… and you did ask - don’t blame me for answering honestly: Licorice dick called….. Lick Dick. And the commercial would say: pick lick dick!!! *ROFLMAO*

(You know, the word pick also is meaning dick, in Swedish…)

Friday’s Feast blog |

Cruise list: That frolicsome kid, Tammy, Ramblin Rose, Debbie, Maribeth, Sanni, Caylynn, RennyBA, Chana, TorAa, and Gattina.
February 9th, 2007

Smile a mile

Posted by Lifecruiser in Pleasure

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people”.
(The Wit’s Dictionairy, Anonymous)

So start smiling folks!!! It’s Friday!!!

Cruise list: Debbie, That frolicsome kid, Irish Church Lady, Happy and blue 2, TorAa, and Rennyba.
February 2nd, 2007

Rules for bedroom golf

Posted by Lifecruiser in Love, Sports, Pleasure

As you may know, Mr Lifecruiser is a golfer and a darn good one. He had handicap 3.2 - before he met me.

Rules for bedroom golf

The player shall have an own equipment, a club and two balls.

Play on the course have to be acknowledged by the owner of the hole.

As a difference from outdoor golf is that you should try to get the club in the hole and the balls outside.

To get such a effective play as possible, the club should have a stiff shaft. The owner of the course reserve the rights to investigate the stiffness of the club before the play can begin.

The course owner has the right to limit the length of the club to avoid damages in the hole.

The meaning of the play is that the club should be bumped as many times as possible until the course owner is satisfied and the play is fulfilled. If you fail, you can be denied to play on that course again.

It’s considered as bad behaviour to play the hole directly when you have arrived at the course. More experienced player take the time to admire the course. Special attention use to be pointed to well-formed bunkers.

The players is warned to mention for the owner to the current course about other courses they have played on or regularly plays on. Annoyed course owners have for that reason hurted the players equipment.

Players is told to have proper rain clothes available for every eventuality.

The players should make sure about that their match is properly booked, especially when a course is played for the first time. Earlier players have been annoyed when they discover that some player plays on the course that is thought of as their own.

The player should not anticipate that the course always is available to play. Certain players feel troubled when they discover that the course is under temporary reparation. More advanced players finds alternative ways to play when so are the case.

Players is adviced to ask for the course owners permission first before trying the rear 9th hole.

Slow playing is encouraged, but players should be prepared to go on in a faster tempo, at least temporarily, if the course owner so wish.

It’s considered as an outstanding performance to play on the same hole several times during the same game under the same match.

Now Mr Lifecruiser only plays on one course of course - the main course - and has no handicap - at least not in the bedroom ;-)

Here he does hole in one all the time, it’s only at very rare occasions he would have needed a GPS…. *LMAO*

I didn’t know though that golf were a sport where you need to wear a helmet? I’ve got my head hurted once. No, I’m not telling you how!

Yes, it was some alcohol involved.

And he always wash his club and balls after every match….

Cleaning balls


Washing balls actually reminds me of my dog I had many years ago. He was always cleaning himself up at nights and especially when he was really tired.

Very often he was licking his balls (LMAO!) over and over and over and over again. He didn’t seem to think that they could be polished enough. They SHINED. You could mirror yourself in them.

Until his mischievous owner (me) felt like a bit teasing…. So I did put my finger right on his balls just to make them “dirty” in his eyes.

And yes… He made the most deepest sigh!!! And started it all over again…

Every time…. *giggles*

I wash you all a wonderful weekend ;-)

Cruise list: That frolicsome kid, Beth, TorAa, Debbie, Claudie, Joe blogs, Melli, Deb, Irish Church Lady, RennyBA, Dave, and Gattina.
January 26th, 2007

FundaMental Funtastic

Posted by Lifecruiser in Love, Pleasure

I’ve been contacted by Mr Joe Blogs. He wanted to do me. I’m talking about an interview! No, not for a sex talk show either, but a very serious blog interview for his comedian Mr Joe Blog’s Blog.

Curious of my juicy answers that made him so tired after I’ve been jousting through his dreams all night?

Read the interview of Mrs Lifecruiser.

He is on my blogroll from now on. You know I love people with humor. Bah, just go there and leave your usual witty comments!

Then come back here for a liberating laugh…


An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

- “Father … during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied:

- “That was a wonderful thing you did! You have no need to confess that.”

- “It’s worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours.”

The priest said:

- “By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

- “Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question.”

- “And what is that?” asked the priest.

- “Should I tell her the war is over?”

Me? I’ll just say once more: Make Love Not War - and why not start to intensify it this weekend…? After all it’s fundamental human nature.

Have a fundamental funtastic weekend ;-)

Cruise list: Jessy, Sexy mom, Regina, Melli, Hootin' Anni, Debbie, Steve Novak, Gattina, That frolicsome kid, Irish Church Lady, and TorAa.
January 25th, 2007

Thirteen medevial pick up lines

Posted by Lifecruiser in Odditys, Love, Pleasure

1. If I had been your horse, I would have wanted that you sat on me without a saddle.

2. The Magician: You know, it’s not only my magic wand that is pointed…

3. You know, that chastity belt would fit perfectly well on my bedroom floor.

4. Don’t believe the rumors you have heard about me… The bubonic plague didn’t hit my most vital body parts.

5. I lost one of my legs in battle. Guess what I’m walking on?!

6. Yes, beautiful damozel, I’m indeed a magician. Do you want to see your clothes disappear?

7. By rights I’m a nice prince that has been bewitched by a mean witch. Tell me, do you like frog sex?

8. Hmm, it seems like I have lost my sex slave. Can I borrow you for a while?

9. Your shelter or mine?

10. My dear lady, you know very well that it isn’t the size of the magic wand that counts, but how magical it is.

11. Your eyes are dark as a moat at midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me in.

12. What does a pretty maiden doing in a dirty dungeon like this?

13. You should be glad that I’m not a viking, because then I would already have devestated and plundered you at this time.


NOTE: Every comment is equally welcome, even if you’re not participating in this Thursday Thirteen-thing, we LOVE all comments :-)

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Cruise list: Hootin' Anni, Debbie, Raggedy, Sandy, Dot, Marcia, Chelle Y., Joe blogs, Claudie, Rebecca G., Becky D, The Shrone, Amy Jo, Sanni, Colleen, Maribeth, Carmen, Mice and Moonbeams, That frolicsome kid, Irish Church Lady, Sonny, Gattina, Scouser, and Amy.
January 19th, 2007

Hurry to Cockpit(t)

Posted by Lifecruiser in Swedish, Pleasure

We seem to have gotten bad Friday habits here and I blame that on TorAa which actually requested this last Friday, so blame it all on him folks ;-)

The pilot takes the microphone and tell the passengers that the flight to Las Vegas is started, which way they’re going to fly and supposed arrival to the destination.

When that is done he wishes the passangers a nice flight, but he forget to turn off the mic.

- Brad, have you set the autopilot on Las Vegas?
- Yes, it’s done. Now I’ll go and poop, then I’ll go and screw the shit out of Hilary!
- She is always horny and willing to have a quicky in the pentry.

All the passengers heard this and even the other staff in the cabin.

A stewardess comes running in the middle passage but falls and is laying on the floor.

A passenger pat her on the shoulder and says:

- You don’t have to be in such hurry, he said he should poop first….

Do you want to know what the word pitt from this post heading means in Swedish? Cock = Pitt. So that actually means that it says Cockcock. Or should I say double cock? *giggles*

Now you know why I always love the word Cockpit(t ;-)

There is a “sibling post” at our Norwegian neighbor RennyBA, called “No nakedness on Nordic cruise ships“. You see why I love this post, it’s like it’s created just for me isn’t it? *lol*

If you care to learn some other useful Swedish:
Our old post about Swedish bad language

Have a crazy fun weekend folks :-)

Cruise list: Dave, Maribeth, Debbie, TorAa, Gina, RennyBA, Gattina, and That frolicsome kid.
January 13th, 2007

Photo Scavenger Hunt Techno

Posted by Lifecruiser in Photo, Swedish, Pleasure

~ (S)team tech ~
Mrs Lifecruisers contribution to theme Technology
Steam Fire Engine 1878
Origin. Nichols & Co, Burlington, Vermont, USA. Now in The Swedish National Museem of Science and Technology in Stockholm, were we saw it yesterday! This one belonged to the fire station at Ljusne (North East of Sweden). Drawn by horses. Capacity: 18000 litre /minute. The water jet could reach a height of 50 metres. Now that is what I call a spurt! *lol*

Don’t miss the joke down below either, it’s involving some technology too ;-) Or maybe mostly techniques….? *lol*

© Lifecruiser (Stockholm, Sweden)

NOTE: Every comment is equally welcome, even if you’re not participating in this Photo Hunt-thing, we LOVE all comments :-)

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Cruise list: Sanni, Rach, Jannie Funster, Sunflower, Friday's Child, Abe-hap, Eph2810, Gattina, Sally, Desert Diva, Heather, Tanya, LibertyBelle, Philosophical Karen, RennyBA, Teena in Toronto, Biker Betty, On the Rock, GoofyJ, Tnchick, TorAa, Frances, Srp, Eija, Shoshana, Lisa, Deb, Carol M., Mike, Linda, Zoots Mom, Sandy, Caylynn, Maribeth, Hootin' Anni, Mar, Debbie, Dragonheart, and Viamarie.
January 12th, 2007

Speed issues in the home

Posted by Lifecruiser in Pleasure

It’s time for a little Friday fun again folks!

Don’t read this if your sensitive and don’t blame me for you being so curious that you must read it despite this warning ;-)

Märta is a wilde one in her wheelchair and she loves to speed off in the elderly home. She takes the curves on one wheel and make full throttle in the long runway corridors. But, since she and the others at the home not quite “has all the horses home in the stable”, they tolerate each others odditys.

One day when Märta accelerated in a corridor, a door opened and Mats came out in the corridor with his arm lifted. “STOP!” he said with a commanding voice.

- “Do you have a license for that?”

Märta searched in her handbag and got hold of a chocolate wrapping and hold it up.

- “OK!” said Mats and Märta went on.

When she took the curve at the TV-room with screaming tires, Gösta showed up in front of her and demanded to see her tax receipt. Märta went down in the handbag again and pulled up a paper handkerchief. Gösta nodded slow and said:

- “Please go ahead, Ma’m”

Märta got to the last corridor and before she got back to the entrance, Folke showed up in front of her dressed only with a big hard on.

“Oh no, not blow in that alco test now again!”

*giggles x milllions*

I wish you all a wonderful hilarious weekend :-)

Cruise list: That frolicsome kid, Irish Church Lady, Mar, Gattina, Melli, Debbie, RennyBA, and TorAa.
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