Warning: Don’t read this if you’re sensitive!

1. Never try to find your brain or think before noon, it’s hopeless and will only be lead to very confusing situations where things end up in the wrong places and only god knows where. You might find them years later. If you’re lucky.

2. Feed the hungry monster BEFORE the outburst. Afterwards will be too late and you may not survive. Not without scratches anyway. A bite taken here and there.

3. Always accept help in the shower so the shower takes the double amount of water, soap, time and effort. A bonus effect is the cool bruises on the elbows.

4. Cleaning up do hurt – so only fun housekeeping is allowed. Fun means together nude or something. Everything else is forbidden. (Don’t you just love that word?)

5. Answer and hear everything completely wrong. This is my favorite. Especially in the mornings. Talk about completely different things, but make it sounds like you’re in the same subject. Mumble. Argue of what you’ve just said. End conversation with hysterical giggle attacks.

6. Don’t go to sleep until you’re unconscious. Even if that means that you’re literally sitting in front of the computer and sleep. Always try to beat that staying awake record of 40 hours.

7. Always turn around (both) at the same time in our 90 cm / 35 inches bed in the sleep. Don’t wake up despite the fact that there are heavy explosions here on our little street every morning because of roadworks.

8. Never resist a love attack even if you die on the mission. (even if it means about 5:30 in the mornings when we finally go to bed…. I’m not sure if that’s before or after the brekfastdinner though *lol*)

9. Never go out in wintertime if you can avoid it. Always make your grocery shopping huge and seldom so your provisions is FULL. Invent new dinner meals mixtures. Don’t shower to save the soap so you don’t have to go out too often.

10. Throw all your uncomfy clothes off at once you come home before you’re doing anything else. Never raise the blinds.

11. Always say very strange things or make interesting noises so the extremely nosy neighbour can hear that and be amazed.

12. Always describe your poo’s speed, consistency, color, size and smell. (We have poo records. No one want to judge though ;-)

And the most important one:

13. When farting, light a match to cover up the smell. (be careful to not get a big bang from the gas explosion though!) So we’re getting heavy reduced prices now on matches. Wellknown customers get that. A bonus thing is that it’s getting lighter here in this dark season. This way we’re having our own light therapy.


DISCLAIMER: Don’t blame us if you’re upset after reading this, you got a warning first and besides that: even princess’es does poop, so what’s the big deal…?

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18 Comments on “Thirteen weird house rules”

    kontan said:

    :razz: I thoroughly enjoyed it!

    Lifecruiser: Oh, I’m glad you did kontan :-)

    Sandy said:

    Thanks for stopping by my WW. I will be very busy on Thursday since it is Thanksgiving here in the states tomorrow!! I have been cooking all day today with company all over my house. Our daughter and family are here so tomorrow we will have a bout 12 of us. I have more cooking to do in the morning. Take care. Sandy

    Lifecruiser: Yes, I’ve read that on some blogs. Sounds like you’re really busy, but with pleasant things though. I’m sure you’re going to have a happy thanksgiving :-)

    Happy and Blue 2 said:

    :grin: Living in your apartment would scare the heck out of me, ha,ha..
    Glad you got the curtains up.

    Lifecruiser:It scares us too. I’m sure that’s one of the reasons why my hair fell off…

    Gattina said:

    I only fart with rose parfum and I never vacuum without any cloths because my breasts would be in the way !

    Lifecruiser: I can take the rose parfum, but did you have to give me that vision of your breasts get stucked in the vacuum cleaner….??????

    Caylynn said:

    LOL! :mrgreen: Too funny – thanks for the laughs! :mrgreen:

    Sadly we can’t do #9 here in Munich – the German fridges and kitchens are so tiny, that huge groceries are no longer possible. So we’ve become very German in our shopping habits – picking up a few things every day, whereas back in Canada we would do one big load of groceries once a week.

    But for #3 you have it wrong. ;) Help in the shower (if it consists of showering together saves on water. ;) )

    Happy T13. :)

    Lifecruiser: Thanks Caylynn :-) Aha, so germans do that. how interesting. I thought they would be more effective than that. Regarding the shower, we SAY that it consists of showering ;-)

    Tink said:

    *LOL*, great list! I’d love to visit you and yours to witness all this. Pity I live so far away! ;-)
    My TT is about past life regression.

    Lifecruiser: Thanks tink :-) Yes, wouldn’t be really cool to be able to meet in real life…?

    Nathalie said:

    I love your TT!
    Scary thing though, this post reminds me a bit of my mother’s household :)
    Especially your last remark: we used to say “even the queen needs to wipe her arse” ;)

    Lifecruiser: So true, so true… I’m glad to hear that we have soulfriends out there :-)

    MommyBa said:

    These are funny rules! I loved reading through them!

    Lifecruiser: Thanks MommyBa, I’m glad that you enjoyed them :-)

    colleen said:

    Imagine that! #1 Have you tried the refresh button? Mine are not about Thanksgiving.

    Lifecruiser: This refresh BUTTon must be defect….. *lol*

    Moogie said:

    LOL! I absolutely loved this one. I showed it to my husband and he laughed even harder than me!!!! What a great list!

    I have huge grocery lists. In fact, sometimes it’s hard to figure out where to put anything.

    Lifecruiser: Good! That was part of the reason to confess about these weird rules…. The only problem with the huge grocery shopping is to carry all the bags from the car and indoors!

    Skittles said:

    Happy Thanksgiving and Happy TT!

    Lifecruiser: Thanks Skittles, we wish you the same :-)

    ali said:

    thanks for the laughs…a poo record….i needed it today sitting at my desk at work…

    Lifecruiser: You’re welcome. Work hah? Pheeew. I’m only glad to have amused you :-)

    Sonny said:

    Very nice list!
    It made me laugh! Thanks for that! :lol:
    Have a save and happy Thanksgiving!
    Happy TT from Germany,

    Lifecruiser: Thanks sonny. I’m glad that you enjoyed it :-)

    mar said:

    LOL, love your house rules!
    By the way, we keep matches in the bathroom just in case and never listen to the one insisting on describing the last digestion :)
    We used to have a 2m x 2m bed, reduced it to 1.60 m wide because Spanish bedrooms are smaller than the German ones…but 90cm! that must be love !!

    Lifecruiser: Yes, we love them too :-) And… yes, soo true – it’s love x millions *smiling so big that it look silly*

    desert rat said:

    Hah! Okay, I’m smiling now. I like the bit about talking about completely different things. People seem to do that all the time anyhow, so might as well enjoy it!

    Lifecruiser: Good :-) Yes, why not have a giggle attack? it’s fun and free!

    Smurf said:

    Lol…:lol:What a funny list. Hmm… cleaning nude… well that would have to be after the kids are in bed. ;) Happy TT !

    Lifecruiser: Thanks Smurf. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Yes, it might be more difficult for others to keep those rules up… *lol*

    Irish Church Lady said:

    You crack me up, woman! Great list of ‘house rules’. It’s great that you have such a wide open relationship with your husband that you can talk about anything and everything (including poop), even if you are both talking about different things at the same time!

    Oh but your bed sounds too narrow for me! We share ours with our big dog and sometimes our little grandog so it’s crowded enough as it is even though it is Queen sized. Which reminds me of Nathalies remark “Even the Queen needs to wipe her arse” LOL which reminds me that the movie “THE QUEEN” is out now and it is supposed to be good and well acted. Are you going to see it or perhaps you do not want to leave the house? BTW they don’t let you go into movie theatres in the nude is alls I’m sayin’.

    Lifecruiser: Good! *Giggles* Yes, it’s very relaxed, our relationship… *lol* And, no, there wouldn’t been any space left for a dog too!!! Ah, The Queen-movie, you know that don’t come out over here until in the beginning of February I read somewhere. And it will be too cold to go naked then…. *lmao* or should it be *fmao* ? (freezing my ass of)

    Norma said:

    Well, now that’s a different one from the cruise details we’ve come to love!

    I’m a bit late–My TT is up. MM too.

    Lifecruiser: I’m one day late too, because of no internet connection, so no worry :-)

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