As you may know, Mr Lifecruiser is a golfer and a darn good one. He had handicap 3.2 – before he met me.

Rules for bedroom golf

The player shall have an own equipment, a club and two balls.

Play on the course have to be acknowledged by the owner of the hole.

As a difference from outdoor golf is that you should try to get the club in the hole and the balls outside.

To get such a effective play as possible, the club should have a stiff shaft. The owner of the course reserve the rights to investigate the stiffness of the club before the play can begin.

The course owner has the right to limit the length of the club to avoid damages in the hole.

The meaning of the play is that the club should be bumped as many times as possible until the course owner is satisfied and the play is fulfilled. If you fail, you can be denied to play on that course again.

It’s considered as bad behaviour to play the hole directly when you have arrived at the course. More experienced player take the time to admire the course. Special attention use to be pointed to well-formed bunkers.

The players is warned to mention for the owner to the current course about other courses they have played on or regularly plays on. Annoyed course owners have for that reason hurted the players equipment.

Players is told to have proper rain clothes available for every eventuality.

The players should make sure about that their match is properly booked, especially when a course is played for the first time. Earlier players have been annoyed when they discover that some player plays on the course that is thought of as their own.

The player should not anticipate that the course always is available to play. Certain players feel troubled when they discover that the course is under temporary reparation. More advanced players finds alternative ways to play when so are the case.

Players is adviced to ask for the course owners permission first before trying the rear 9th hole.

Slow playing is encouraged, but players should be prepared to go on in a faster tempo, at least temporarily, if the course owner so wish.

It’s considered as an outstanding performance to play on the same hole several times during the same game under the same match.

Now Mr Lifecruiser only plays on one course of course – the main course – and has no handicap – at least not in the bedroom ;-)

Here he does hole in one all the time, it’s only at very rare occasions he would have needed a GPS…. *LMAO*

I didn’t know though that golf were a sport where you need to wear a helmet? I’ve got my head hurted once. No, I’m not telling you how!

Yes, it was some alcohol involved.

And he always wash his club and balls after every match….

Cleaning balls


Washing balls actually reminds me of my dog I had many years ago. He was always cleaning himself up at nights and especially when he was really tired.

Very often he was licking his balls (LMAO!) over and over and over and over again. He didn’t seem to think that they could be polished enough. They SHINED. You could mirror yourself in them.

Until his mischievous owner (me) felt like a bit teasing…. So I did put my finger right on his balls just to make them “dirty” in his eyes.

And yes… He made the most deepest sigh!!! And started it all over again…

Every time…. *giggles*

I wash you all a wonderful weekend ;-)

17 Comments on “Rules for bedroom golf”

    Gattina said:

    I just wanted to write, I don’t play golf, when I read further and have to admit that this kind of golf I KNOW ! I hope that your readers are as clever as me and that you don’t get good tips to put the ball in the hole first and not the stick ! Which would lead to technical difficulties in your kind of golf play. I also hope that you don’t get all the religious bloggers on your back and that you will be fired (as your background) to XXX blogs (not X files)
    It is a shame that you found this cartoon, I just had saved it in my pictures to publish it at the next occasion !
    How does it come that you are already blogging ? Too much golf playing ???

    Lifecruiser:Ha ha ha! Gattina, you’re priceless… Yes, you see, I have a tendency to become very very alert after a match ;-)

    Dave said:

    That reminds me of a joke.
    A guy was watching as his friends dog was licking it’s balls.
    He looked at his friend and said, “Wow, I wish I could do that!”
    His friend said, “He’ll probably let you but maybe you better pet him first.”

    Now you know why I enjoy your blog so much. I have a sick sense of humor.

    Lifecruiser: Ha ha ha… Yes, I had my suspicion about that ;-)

    RennyBA said:

    I just love playing golf and often in Sweden too you know. My wifes says that’s the only time when a gentleman can ask the ladies to ‘watch my balls!’ LoL

    I do understand that Mr. Lifecruiser have no handicap when playing indoors, but have he improved the 3,2 for outdoors playing from before he met you too?

    Wishing you a playful weekend too ;-)

    Lifecruiser: Hrm… Let’s just say that the summer before he met me, he played 220 rounds on the golf course and after he met me, he plays oh, let see….. Most indoors… Eh….Maybe 2 rounds outdoors….?

    But it’s not my fault, I swear!!!! I’ve tried to make him go out there, but he keep playing indoors and how could I stop him then? *lol*

    Irish Church Lady said:

    Oh now I feel dirty. I’m going to lick my balls. Wait, I don’t have any. I’m going to lick the dogs balls. Wait, he doesn’t have any either. Oh bother, you all know I’m going to visit another blog now anyways.

    Toodles ~

    Lifecruiser: Ouch. I get a vision of hair in the mouth! Tvi!Tvi!

    Deb said:

    Gawd… only you could mess with your dog’s balls and then blog about it!!!:grin:

    Just popped in to say congratulations on being BlogAdvance’s Blog of the Month for February and to say hi.

    Keep on bloggin’!

    Lifecruiser: Yes, probably only crazy me could do that! *LMAO*

    OH, you don’t say? I had no idea about being blog of the month! HOW FUN :-) ))

    Melli said:

    WOW! And do you have advice for golfers who like to play as a foursome? And I saw no mention of bag boys! I guess indoor golfers have no need for someone to carry their bag for them, huh? Okaaaaaaaay… I’m off to see the wizard now!

    Lifecruiser: Melli, Melli, you say the most funniest questions and things, like I would have said it myself ;-) So what I’m really saying is that you’re as crazy as I am? Oooops…. Sorry :-)

    claudie said:

    yehhhhhhh! I’ve translate all this text with my pictionnary! What a programm! I didn’t know I was a pro of golf! I don’t need to wash my balls myself, I have an employees who does that after the match cause if I win I prefer stay in my dreams in the seventh heaven!

    Lifecruiser: Of course you’re a Pro – you’re french right? *lol*

    joe blogs said:

    Sounds like crazy golf

    Lifecruiser: Yes. Did you expect something not insane on this blog, really? *LMAO*

    claudie said:

    But, but I realise that in a such story I can only be a course and not a player!!! For a time I believed I was a sportwoman! I’m so tired after my journey at school!

    Lifecruiser: Well I think the course is taken more care of than the player, so it’s a real benefit ;-)

    Debbie said:

    I am in the mood this weekend for a some golfing myself. I am sure Hubby will comply when I send him to this post for some pointers. Not that he needs them but he might find them fun to read as I did! Your poor dog, you are such a tease.

    How did the haircut go? Should I even ask?

    Lifecruiser: I know, I really am, but fun it was :-) ))

    Ehem… haircut yes…. I think I’ll have to report about that later…. *teasing again*

    TorAa said:

    As a non-golf player, this one left me we great confusion. I heave heard about the stick that marks the hole. And that the balls more often falls down on the green around the hole. And the green had to be trimmed.

    I have heard about handball – play where you take the ball in your hand and try to shoot it in to the hole – or goal as it’s also knowned as. The strange thing with handball is there someone that’s gards the hole. Is that the owner?

    Hey, wait a moment, while writing a sudden memory came to my mind: I have played Fun Golf in France – with Anna. Some small enjoyable hindrences it was – that was fun. Had to pay a little patience to enjoy the most out of it. No quick rush. One evening we had so much fun, we played to we were almost soar.

    Have a LOVEly weekend.

    I’ll soon post my sweetfridays – for the innocents

    Lifecruiser: LOVEly comment Tor. I really LOVE it. But Sweetfridays? Really? And I thought that we had such fun being bad…. *lol*

    beth said:

    I always enjoy your stories. So when are you going to tell us about the head injury? And HOW much alcohol was involved? lol

    That reminded me of a friend of mine who ended up in the emergency room on her honeymoon night. She was wearing a saten nightgown and had saten sheets on the bed.

    When she got on the bed she slid right off and hit her head on the corner of the bedside table! :shock:

    Lifecruiser: Oh, probably the day when I win the lottery? *lol* Ha ha ha… Oooops, I mean poor friend of yours, what a wedding night :-)

    that frolicsome kid said:

    This is GOLF?! Oh my gosh, it sounds incredibly exciting, I can’t wait to try it!!! :wink:

    No, I’m just kidding!

    Great use of metaphors, mrs lifecruiser, I can all imagine them in my head now, LOL! Totally hilarious and it’s a great laugh for any golfers. Now all I have to do is just presenting this story to my elder brother who plays golf! :lol:

    Lifecruiser: We.., I’m sure there is some awesome “junior” players ;-) Yes, do tell your brother! *giggles*

    bharadwaj said:

    investigate the stiffness ???
    I emailed this one too. LMAO..

    The comments are even more funnier..

    bharadwaj said:

    rain clothes??
    permission first before trying the rear?..

    I really enjoyed this post.

    too much alcohol is always dangerous while playing in the course, but a little dose helps..


    Works for me. As it should be and this is how you play golf. Thanks for giving me the link. Have a great day. :)


    Would it be ok if I wear spikes.?

    Tour Golf Blogs last blog post..Erik Compton Misses La Quinta Q-School Final by 1 Stroke

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