ICL's owns this ship

Avast! Lifecruiser were attacked by pirates and their Six Pounders, lost the battle and got boarded by the Irish Pirate Church Lady and her scallywags this night.

That’s why the Jolly Roger now be flagged.

Arrgh! Shiver me timbers! I never thought this still could happen in Europe! And with me ship, be the biggest brig in the port!

I’m sorry to say that ye all now have the live the life of a pirate. And me buxom beauty’s, this was not only handsome ones like Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp.

Well, this will not be their booty fer long, so be with yer Cap´n!

To blend in nicely in the crowd, I recommend ye to smartly adopt to the pirate culture of swearing and being naughty!!!

Me hearties! As yer Cap´n, I’m needed everywhere in moments like this, so if ye need to say something to the pirates yerselves ye get some help over here: Translate English to Pirate Talk.

Keep yer deadlights open and report back to yer Cap´n.

Be careful, remember the pirate saying: Dead men tell no tales…

*Off to the Poop deck*

Cap´n Lifecruiser

Update: Ha! I be still a Cap’n accordin’ t’ t’ pirate profile generator! But me pirate name be now Jacquotte The Horny (laughin’!) and Mr Lifecruiser be Keeper Sylvester.

Now we be off t’ fill up our cargo room with supplies t’ keep our bilge rats happy so they not throw us in the bunghole.

Lifecruiser skull

Tuesday port: Pirate Bay | Irish Pirate Church Lady
Next port: Berlin, Germany

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21 Comments on “Lifecruiser overhauled by Pirates!”

    Heather in Beautiful British Columbia CANADA said:

    Cute blog! I’m here via Sanni’s site :)

    Lifecruiser: Thanks! Even though it RIGHT NOW isn’t that cute any more – I’ve changed for a pirat day :-)


    Aye aye Cap’n Lifecruiser. Dead men do not tell no tales. They also don’t tell tales if they’re bound and gagged and tied to the bed! But we won’t go there now will we … me hearties.

    All the same, you are required to take me harbour cruise or ye will walk the plank an’ they’ll be no life jackets allowed if ye walk that plank. No indeed.

    You need to find me buried treasures and show me some piratitude! Ahoy mateys! Be off wit’ ya!!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ha! I be still a Captain accordin’ t’ t’ pirate profile generator! But me pirate name be now Jacquotte T’ Horny (laughin’!) and Mr Lifecruiser be Keeper Sylvester.

    Now we be off t’ fill up our cargo room with supplies t’ keep our bilge rats happy so they not throw us in the bunghole.

    Gattina BELGIUM said:

    What ??? Pirates on board how wonderful, I haven’t seen them yet, but hope they are all one eyed ! Johnny Depp a pirate ? pffft, he is as sexy as a potatoe. For @#%$@& no problem, don’t forget I had a very good teacher ! Mr. Gattino ALWAYS swears but in Italian, that sounds better ! Now I will have a look at the Irish church to see the lady !

    Jacquotte The Horny: Arrrr! I agrrrrre about t’ Depp! Now be sure t’ report back t’ yer Cap’n!

    mar SPAIN said:

    You are what I call a versatile Cap’tain – now with pirates on board, oh my! I told you that smashing red dress caught everybody’s attention!
    off to practice pirate talk before hoping over to ICL’s!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ooops! Ye say it was me red dress?!!! Blimey!

    RennyBA NORWAY said:

    I’m so excited as we finally got some action on this Cyber Cruise. Going to Ireland was thrill!

    I’m ready to go with you t’ fill up our cargo room with supplies captain Jacquotte The Horny. As a Viking I’m born to do so you know:-)

    Jacquotte The Horny: Privateer Kidd the Wicked Stubble, ye made the barrels roll aboard faster. smartly, hand me som grog to water my throat.

    aka R'acquel AUSTRALIA said:

    ‘ohg bloomin’ ‘eck! [{hic} I’m still stranded in ‘ye Barcelona! how could you guyz ‘eep on sailin’ withou’ me?! Me still stuck trying to catch up with all ‘ye swimming back to ‘ya shipenS! Oh – friggen ‘eck! {hic} Far too much Savignon Blanc ‘ain’t ‘elping me me yonight me pals!! ‘eck’ {hic}

    How can i possibly bypass Barcelona withoug proper official salutations (with proper respect & authetic feedback n’all ‘e lassies?!), along with a ‘roper DIY BRazillian Waxing lessons to yeachs ‘yas alls?! ‘riggen heck’s man!

    I’ll catch ‘yas all, me assures youp’s! For shorings, onces and ‘or orlings! {hic}

    Like, gimme a moment to gather me breaths! Still far to captivated by ‘ye olde Irish song about the silly old drunk coz me husbandz – he ‘rigging knows the bloody olde song well!

    Plea! – gimmea ya bloody moment, while me gather my fiddle to work out ‘ye bloody ‘rigging tune first mateys!!

    Oh, a splendid tune, indeed!

    “Mitch! You’ve got to see this clip! Have you heard this song before?!!! It’s about a drunk and how his waif kanno see that she’s cheatin’ on him!!”

    “Oh! You mean the ‘Ya drunk, ya drunk’ song?!”

    Me husband ‘kno the bloody song well! Freaking… {hic!}

    Need to take my time to gather me respects for Barcelona. Amongst another ‘newing Irish song i needs to learn on me’dist fiddle, yarrrs! Nyo ‘on worries me harties, i’m a good swimmer, so me’ll catch up to yas ‘oooon!

    Like, {hic!} (far too much Savignon Blanc, I’m afrriad!)

    [paddles her heart out like a paddles dog! …or is that a paddle dog?! or dog paddles?!! Better than Angelina Jolie, that’s for sure’in’s!! me ‘earties!”


    Jacquotte The Horny: Ahoy! Cap’n know t’ song! me bucko, your loveley song be too good for these scumbags, come here and we’ll sin’ and dance ‘n laugh as real jack tars do!

    *singin’ n’*

    aka R'acquel AUSTRALIA said:

    btw… very sexy dress, me ‘aptain! ..and a lovely shade of red too, of course!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Not too red for yer deadlights huh? *laughin’*

    Gina SWEDEN said:

    I’m shiverin me timbers and everything else right about now! Why in hell is Johnny Depp not here!?

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ye haven’t overhauled his ship? Herrr’ have some grrrrrog lass!

    Melli UNITED STATES said:

    PIRATES! PIRATES??? *dons her pirate hat!* Pft! I’ll show those pirates! They think they can reckon with a REDHEAD??? Are they CRAZY??? Hey! Hey you! Pirate! Yea… YOU! C’mere big boooooooy! *looks slyly over right shoulder*… just watch this ladies! THIS pirate doesn’t stand a chance!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Me heartie, t’ scurvy dogs overhauled t’ ship when be in t’ worst condition this night as the scumbags they ‘rrrrr!

    Keep yer deadlights opn!


    Aye Aye R’aquel ~ lass yer name already sounds like a pirate name!

    I played dat song just the other day leadin’ up to St. Patrick’s Day. You can ‘ear it again ‘ere and even wit’ da words includin’ the two naughty last verses dat nobody sings!! Seven Drunken Nights

    Cap’n Jaquotte T’ Horny (now how’d did ye get such an appropriate name like dat? ) Arrrrrr…. yer pirate cove ~ t’is vaaarry naughty!! Ye certainly make a raucous pirate like me feel right at ‘ome!!

    I be heading off to pillage some other ships now an’ get me some gold. Aye … it’s a pirates life but somebody gotta do it ya know!!! I’d like to talk like a pirate all de day, but those meetings I have to attend on dos ships may look at me strange as it is not yet September 19 (Talk Like a Pirate Day!)

    Oh but I need the gold to keep me ship afloat so I’d better get me arse outta here ‘for there be no more gold left fer me ~ Irish PIRATE Church Lady! Arrrr mateys!!!

    Youse all ‘ave a gid day now!!!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Be on yer pillage journey IPCL, me hearties ‘n t’ Cap’n ‘rrrrr goin’ t’ have a feast. T’ ship rats will leave t’ ship!

    ‘rrrrrr ye a Buccaneer or a Corsair pirate?

    Hootin' Anni UNITED STATES said:

    Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
    It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!
    Whatever’s in fashion is in for a thrashin’
    And bein’ polite is passe!
    When it’s ev’ry man’s duty to grab his proud beauty
    And let out a hearty YO HO!
    And if this offends you, hold your breath as we sends
    Ta Davy Jones’ Locker ya go!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ye be carrr’ful therrr’ lass, be not to naughty t’ be marrooned!

    Josh UNITED STATES said:

    I love the new layout. :)

    Lifecruiser: Thx Josh :-)

    Ocean Lady UNITED STATES said:

    How “bad to the bone”!

    Jacquotte The Horny: It must be in me family bones ;-)

    Sanni GERMANY said:

    Yo-Ho – a pirate´s life for me. It´s all about t’ accessory. So where´s me shoes? Lifecruiser looks very piratylicious – Let´s add some Grog t’ t’ DOM!

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ye need some acessory lass, ye can’t look like a landlubber!

    Rip some from one of t’ other scullywags!

    Remember Cap’ns urge to be naughty, to blend in!

    TorAa NORWAY said:

    What a mess to wake up to, After 2 barrels of Sangria in Catalania and 4 hours dancing saradana:
    Pirotes staring in my eyes. Daggar’s in their mouths. Ring in noses..

    I got my hammer and shouted out: Gaya ‘ome swidur sjöf-röfr. Odin och Thor vridur hodr round neckir och plankir sendir.
    Grrrr. Ha, ha, ha. Don’t they ever again try do rob a Viking.

    Then I went calmly ashore, popped into a Brazilian Cargo vessel, and went away with 12 barrels of Colonial cachaca for my evenings Caipirinha consumptions.
    Skol. Hic.
    Where’s my ship cats? Need to get rid of some mice from the foodstock.

    Jacquotte The Horny: Ye ‘rrr me kind of Viking lad, t’ show them scurvy dogs. Me wanna let’em have it with me Cat O’Nine Tails!!!

    Roll t’e barrels down there, for Flora the Tarred to take carrr’ of, t’ lass promised us Caipirinha with her own recipe!

    Caledonia UNITED KINGDOM said:

    Oooh, pirates! How exciting! We could never accuse your cruises of being boring! Where’s all the rum gone?

    Jacquotte The Horny: Shiver me timbers! Boring? Over me went t’ Davy Jones’ locker body!

    Arrrgh! Down t’ throat o’ t’ scumbag Irish Pirate Church Lady. Off she ‘rrr to overhaul more ships, but sh’ll be back with more treasures to bury.

    Maribeth UNITED STATES said:

    I gave myself to the pirates and I hope now they will leave us in peace! LOL!

    Cap’n Jacquotte The Horny: That be me kind o’ lass that takes initiativ herself bein’ naughty. I will nay forget that!!!

    Debbie said:

    “Captain t’ Pirates don’t scare me but runnin’ out o’ DoM does and I get sick drinkin’ rum!!”

    “Off t’ check out Irish Church Pirate Lady and see what she has for us!”

    Cap’n Jacquotte The Horny: Don`t make any mess ou’ on th’ deck so i be havin’ t’ call th’ A-Swab Team ou’ swabbin’ now. We need the’r strenght in later battles.

    Ya scurvy cur!

    TorAa NORWAY said:

    No more DoM? Can spare a bulk og Krug.

    Cap’n Jacquotte The Horny: Times will come fer us t’ toast in champagne again, jus’ wait an’ be seein’.

    Do nay forget t’ swear an’ be naughty sea dogs an’ land lubbers!

    Ya horn swollgin’ scallywag!

    claudie FRANCE said:

    What a crazy adventure! If pirates need a victim I can play it but only with the hero cause generally he ‘s the only good one in movies and the others look like monsters!
    But before i just want to know where the captain hides the cask of Caraïbes rhum! It could be useful!!!

    Cap’n Jacquotte The Horny: Now, now want t’ know Captains most kept secret t’ get th’ lad’s loaded t’ th’ gunwhales in th’ Captains cabin, that canna be done me dear lady!


    Aye Cap’n Jacquotte The Horny ~ ye rest well as ye kept the partay goin’ fer me whilst I plundered and pillaged fer me gold!

    I’ll ‘ave some more run wit’ me grog ~ aye tis bin a long cold day an’ I want t’ rest me weary bones an’ play wit’ da bilge rats. Aye!!! Away wit’ ya!

    Lifecruiser: Thanks for being a terrifying pirate ICL ;-) We had a blast!!!!

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