Yes, that’s the truth. The air has went out of me just like a punctured balloon - and I’m not talking about farting now ;-)

As some of you already know, I’ve had some tough weeks lately, both with my back and that shitty place and with my mothers health. Yesterday was the first day of a whole week that it was possible to communicate with her, so she is coming through as it looks like now. She is still on antibiotics.

That also means that the hospital couldn’t hold her any longer and sent her back to the elderly home yesterday, which is a bit early unfortunately. We were with her half the day and my sister in the evening. I’m glad to see that she is better, even though it’s mixed feeling because she has no worthy life as it is and she has told us that she don’t want to live any longer.

What do you say when you really understand her? We can only answer that it’s not up to us to decide, nor her. She actually takes this answer. She is an amazing, one of a kind, dynamite lady!

On top of this I also have sisters having a lot of troubles and they are not at all well either, so it seems like we’re all one sick family hah? Well, my brother is the most healthy one, he’s just working too much.

It has been real tough on us and I guess it comes afterwards, the air just went out of me totally today. It’s Monday and I’m supposed to be at the shitty place again, but there were no way that I could drag myself over there. I have no strength left.

My back is real bad. I’m not going to make it even worse by try to drag myself over there. I’ve reached my limit. This is it. I must think of myself and my health and future life. I want a life.

No one will thank me for throwing away my life on idiotic things like this shitty place, so I quit. I showed them that I tried at least, that’s enough.

*making fart sounds like a punctured balloon*

8 Comments on “I am a punctured balloon”


    I’m sorry about your Mum and for you feeling like the air has been let out of your balloon because of this and also your own health problems ~ but I certainly understand.

    I often find that our physical ills worsen when we are under a lot of stress. Perhaps our bodies can’t cope with everything all at once. Sometimes I find that the mental stresses we are experiencing come out in physical ways in our body.

    Be kind to yourself. :-)

    Lifecruiser: Thanks ICL. Of course, our body parts are not separated from each other, they are supposed to be whole together, so if there is too much stress, the body can’t take it. And if we have chronical pain it’s even worse. As soon as I get something more upon the back pain, I get much more ill than others. And that’s just one of the reasons that I’ve learned to listen more to my whole body. Today I give up. Yesterday I would have gone through until I collapsed or died on the mission….

    Oh, that measn that I’ve become more wise :-)

    viamarie PHILIPPINES said:

    My prayers are with your mom and you.

    Take Care & God Bless!

    Lifecruiser: Thanks Viamarie :-)

    Chi UNITED STATES said:

    Oh, I am so sorry that things are going so badly for you..I hold your family in my thoughts & heart.

    Lifecruiser: Thanks Chi :-)

    Nils BELGIUM said:

    That doesn’t sound like a nice way to end the year. Well, one can only hope the next one will be better (arbitrary as any calendar may be). Take care of yourself and your family. And consider this, you have more time to blog now instead of wasting your good years at the shitty place ;-)

    Lifecruiser: No, it isn’t but I haven’t had the time to even think about that… Problem is with the shitty place, that it’s not me that decides in the end, it’s the social securance agency. We’ll see how they take this. I can’t do anything else anyway, so we’ll just have to wait and see what they says :-)

    Sandy UNITED STATES said:

    I know some of how you feel because I suffer with my back. Even if you had only ONE of these problems that would be enough to deal with but having both is really very very hard on you physically and mentally!! I am so sorry. I wish there was something that could be done but all I can do is to send you a virtual ((hug))!! a small squeeze too because I know that might hurt. Nothing like a hurting back. It is awful I know…Sandy

    Lifecruiser: Thank you Sandy, you’re just so sweet :-) It warmth me up!


    Hang in there. I have a friend who was going through something similar not long ago (I know, it’s NEVER the same). She made it to the other side, and you will too!

    Lifecruiser: Thanks for your kind concern. Ahhh, yes I will. I’ll make sure of that by stopping this madness now. I have surviver instinct :-)

    Suzy UNITED STATES said:

    I too have had a challenging year and it seems to only get more challenging. That shitty place you write about, yes, I know that well.

    You seem to have an inner strength though, and even though your balloon has been punctured for now, it will fill back up and fly strong again.

    Gotta hang in. Just gotta, don’t we? What other choice do we have? At least we can encourage each other to be strong through the burdens that each of us carries. This is what see’s me though many times…the help of friends.

    Oh, I noticed your in Sweden. My grandma’s family is orignally from Sweden and so it carries a special place in my heart. =)

    Lifecruiser: Yes, friends is a real gift. I must say that my humor have saved me many, many times too :-) How nice with a little touch of Swede in you. Try to do some more research about it, it’s always fun with some details.

    Norma UNITED STATES said:

    I stopped at your mother’s blog and read your entry about her problems. I’m so very sorry–I know it is hard to see your parents’ suffer. I too haven’t been impressed with her care based on your description. When you discuss this with staff, make sure you have each point written down so you can get a clear explanation.


    Lifecruiser: Thanks for your kindness and good advice Norma, my thoughts too. As soon as I’m getting well enough, I’ll throw myself into it.

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